You were loved beyond measure.

The last two weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life. Life is so precious. I know a lot of you have been following our journey the last four years and I really appreciate all the love, support, and prayers. Early last week we got the news that one of our baby girls didn’t have a heartbeat anymore. There was no warning as everything was looking so great up to this point. When the tech told us that she couldn’t find a heartbeat on baby b anymore, I kept thinking that there was a mistake and this was all a dream. It all happened so quickly. Tears seem to just keep streaming down my face, my heart feels so broken and I long to hold both these sweet girls in my arms. I’ve just needed some time to process everything and let myself grieve and be with our family. I forever miss our little girl – I’ll share part of the letter I wrote to her:

Oh, baby girl, you were so wanted and so loved.

In my mind I created this story for you - that you and your identical sister were going to have fun dressing the same, playing sports together, biking to school together, having your first boyfriends together, and giggling through the changes and journey of womanhood... but who am I to create your story. You were loved so much for 30 weeks and brought me so much joy. I got to see your personality develop every week as I watched you interact with your sister. I already saw your kind and caring heart, how you patiently waited for your turn and then put on a show during ultrasounds showing your beautiful face, how much you loved your sister as you would cuddle her, and the fun spirit you had as you danced around in the womb. And that is your story.

You were loved beyond measure! There is beauty in knowing that you got to take your last breath right beside your sister – you were not alone. Whenever I wonder what you would have looked like… I can just look at your identical sister and dream about you. I feel like a part of your spirit will always live through her. My heart longs to still meet you and hold you, kiss you, love you, and pray for you as I say my final goodbye. You have changed my life forever and I’ll never forget the memories we have shared together.

I wish you got to meet your daddy, brother, and older sister, as they talk about you all the time. Everett told me the other day that you are up there in the sky, in heaven with Jesus. He even brought home a photo from preschool today with our family of six. The minute I saw it, the tears started to flow again. We will always be a family of six even if you aren’t here with us. You were loved, and still are, by so many people!

God, I waited to hold my little girl on my lap and tell her about you. But since I never had the chance, will you please hold her on your lap and tell her about me. I love you sweetie. One day we will meet in heaven and it will be the most glorious day. You will always be my baby girl.

Love,

Momma

Matthew 19:14 But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”