Unstoppable

You would think that writing a blog post wouldn’t be so difficult but I feel like I’ve rewrote this post like a thousand times. Heidi came over yesterday and was also able to articulate her thoughts and feelings on the blog, which was really refreshing for me. Most of you have probably read her blog post by now and have heard the news, so now I feel like it is a bit easier for me to write how that day unfolded for myself.

Thursday morning I woke up at 5:35 am and left the house at 5:40 am to go to the Fertility Clinic to get my ‘number’. I haven’t really mentioned how this process works yet so maybe I’ll explain. Everyday that I have an appointment, there is a box at the Fertility Clinic that opens up at 6:00 am for all the ladies to grab their number for the day. The clinic doesn’t open up until 7:30 am, however, if you want to be one of the first to get ‘in and out’ – you need to get your number early. Everyone then needs to arrive at the clinic at 7:30 am as blood work begins and goes through everyone very fast. Ultrasounds also start and goes numerically, so if you have number 30 (like I did once), you will be there for several hours! I’ve learned from that experience to come right when the box opens and then to just got home again and come back at 7:30 am. It’s quite an exhausting day with running back and forth – luckily this week we had my mother here to help and stay with Everett (she is honestly the most amazing woman!) so I didn’t have to bring him to all the appointments again! He usually does really well but it is also nice when I don’t have to alter his schedule around all this.

Anyways, I got to the Fertility Clinic and got numbers 5 and 6 for the day. I took two numbers because I also got one for a friend that I met there (she lives much farther than me so I offered to grab it since I was going anyways). You seem to see the same people over and over at the appointments so I have actually built a pretty close knit ‘sisterhood’ with 3 other ladies – it’s actually been really cool! We have been staying after each other’s appointments just to get an update because we are so invested in each other’s stories now. It’s actually such an incredible little community we have built there.

After I got the numbers, I went home for 45 minutes and got ready for the day… had some coffee… and was just pacing around the house anxiously for about half an hour (which felt like hours). Then I started making my way back to the clinic. As I was driving, my mind was jumping from one place to the next… everything that has happened this year, finding the most incredible surrogate we could have ever asked for, thinking about my ‘boat load’ of eggs, what the doctor’s were going to say at this appointment, would I get OHSS, did my estrogen levels go down, etc, etc, etc. It was almost a bit of a relief when I finally arrived and found my little ‘sisterhood’.

I got my blood work done right when I got there and shortly after was called for my ultrasound. Waiting for the doctor to come in felt like forever… but she did finally come. My ultrasound was showing that I had 32 eggs in my left ovary that were measuring around 1.5 – 1.6 and around 6 eggs measuring 1.4 in my right ovary. They hadn’t grown too much since my last appointment (most likely because we have really scaled back my medications due to my high estrogen!). The doctor talked to me again about OHSS and if I knew the risks involved. We had a good chat about it all and she mentioned that if I did make it to egg retrieval, that they would be monitoring me for 10 days after just to make sure that I wasn’t too dehydrated or got too sick, otherwise they would put me on an IV. So I felt pretty comfortable in the fact that they would be keeping a close eye on me for 10 days after… so I said that I would still like to keep going at this point, and would come in again tomorrow (Friday). So I went home with some extra medication, awaiting my regular phone call with my blood work results to know my dosage for the day. I was feeling pretty happy that we were going to continue another day and see how things looked!

Then the 2-hour window rolled around when they usually call you with your results from your blood work… As I was waiting, my ‘sisterhood’ was all giving their updates from the doctors on our Facebook chat… and yet I hadn’t received my call. So I was starting to wonder what exactly was going on… this was odd because I was right in the middle of both their appointments. I think my mom and I were both thinking the exact same thing but were too scared to even say anything to each other. And then the phone rang… Not only was it late but it was also a doctor on the phone (usually a nurse calls you with the results). She told me that my estrogen levels had come back, and they were really really high, at over 25,000. (YIKES) She continued to say that she was sorry but we needed to stop because my health was extremely at risk.

When I heard the news my heart sunk…

This sucked. We were SOO close… 2 days… I know my health comes first and this was the best decision but I still felt a bit angry. Angry that the doctors didn’t alter my protocol when they saw my body had healed. Angry that I had another set back. Angry that I had taken all theses needles for nothing. Angry that Heidi had to stay on all her meds because of me.

Sometimes life feels really unfair but when I actually stop and think… I see how fortunate and lucky I really am. God continuously gives us challenges, which make us stronger as individuals, in our faith, and in our relationships. The last 10 months have been the hardest months of my life yet I feel like they have also been the best months. How can it be two completely different extremes? I have grown so much as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, and in my faith. I sometimes think back to losing my uterus and how shitty it was (sorry for my language, but it was shitty) and yet going through surrogacy with my husband and Heidi is also the coolest thing I’ve experienced. I feel so grateful that I was able to carry a child once as I loved being pregnant and feeling that baby inside kicking but yet I also feel like this journey is something that many people don’t get to experience either. It’s like a rollercoaster – it has its up and downs, and I’m sure it will continue to do so, but I just feel so hopeful and blessed to even have the opportunity to do this. I’ve always said that this has happened to me for a reason… I just don’t quite know what that reason is… yet.

So, the good news is that we get to continue this journey. I started taking progesterone on Thursday for 7 days to help lower my estrogen and to bring me back to my normal ‘cycle’, along with Tinzaparin (a blood thinner needle) for 1.5 weeks. Once the 7 days of progesterone is done, I have 5 days of nothing, followed by 21 days of birth control. On February 23, I’ll have a baseline ultrasound and blood work just to make sure everything looks good with my ovaries and estrogen, and then injections will start all over on March 2. Unlike last time, I’m super excited for my needles to start. Let the poking begin and the process start all over!

I’m so thankful for my husband, Everett, Heidi, my family, and friends as your support has meant a lot to me! We had another bump in the road but that won’t stop us – we will continue to persevere! As Craig always tell me…

“We are UNSTOPPABLE”

-Chantelle